Short Stories>
Spur
...compressed...
Peaches
...compressed...
Spur
...compressed...
Plus Plus Plus
Ah, so true.
chester cheetah
...compressed...
Raxxillion
It's alive!
Gutterpup
...compressed...
Counselor
...compressed...
Freejack
why nobody post stories no more?
ZooKeeper
guess not.
chester cheetah
I anyone captured any of the stuff I wrote like The Call (vengeful werewolves, from about two months ago) please post it, I had a harddrive crash and didn' back it up.Please?
ZooKeeper
that's a very nice short short there Monty...
Bookworm
That was a real short piece of fiction there Monty. I think you should put that in micro-fiction. :)
MontyL
Can't type it any smaller... ;)
ZooKeeper
rofl
uncle herb
I was hanging out at Rumors last night, hoping to score with one of those
bimbos who hasn't figured out the '70s are over yet. So I had my shirt
unbuttoned down to my navel, my gold chains clear in view, and my manly,
hairy chest ready to set any red-blooded Northern Virginia white trash
hussy's heart a-throbbing. So anyway, I saw this woman and I knew that
she was the one. Blonde, feathered hair; too much makeup; a tight dress,
revealing a condition of slight overweightness but nothing too gross. I
smiled at her from across the bar. She smiled back and looked shyly down
at her drink. I pulled out the Binaca and did a couple of squirts, and
then sauntered over to talk to her.
"Hey, baby, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" I asked
her. Just then, I realized the muscular, moustached Geraldo clone standing
next to her was probably her date. "Something I can help you with --
fucker?" he asked.
Regretfully, I panicked and whipped out a can of tear gas, and gassed both
of them. They fell to the floor gagging, and as the cloud dispersed people
screamed and began to run. A couple of people tried to grab me, so I
gassed them too. By this time, I'd pretty much emptied the entire
canister, and people were falling to the floor all over the place, coughing
and gagging and choking.
At this point, a bouncer came up to me and punched me in the face. I went
flying back towards a wall, and my head hit the concrete with a big SMACK.
Fortunately, I didn't lose consciousness. With him coming straight at me
for another hit, I did the only thing I could -- I whipped out the Binaca
and a cigarette lighter, making a crude blowtorch with which I blasted him
in the face. He fell to the ground, screaming.
Suddenly, I saw the flashing red and blue lights of a police car out on the
street. "C-ya!" I waved to the general mayhem behind me as I headed out
for the door. Running past the cops, I yelled, "help! There's some kinda
psycho in there attacking everyone!" "Don't worry, we'll get him!" they
yelled back to me as I disappeared into the cool city night, feeling
slightly drunk, slightly relieved to have escaped, and highly pissed to
have not gotten laid.
chester cheetah
I know this guy.
uncle herb
One time I got into an argument with my girlfriend, and said something
which really pissed her off (I told her she was fat). So she grabbed my
arm and shoved it down the garbage disposal and turned it on.
Immediately she regretted what she had done, and she ran out of the house
screaming, "I'm sorry!" But that didn't help my arm, which was now just a
bloody stump where my hand had once been.
Spewing blood all over the kitchen, I grabbed a dishrag and fashioned a
crude tourniquet, which slowed the bleeding but didn't stop it. I then
got out a monkey wrench and dismantled the disposer, hoping to recover the
shredded fragments of my hand in the off chance the doctors could
reconstruct it. I collected what I could -- a fine mush of bloody tissue,
bone fragments, and blood, looking not unlike gazpacho soup -- and put it
into a Glad bag and jumped into the car and rushed to the hospital,
steering with my bloody stump while shifting with my sole remaining hand.
I rushed into the emergency room, where a nurse asked me to fill out some
insurance forms. After about a half hour, a doctor came to see me. I
showed him the Glad bag, and he just laughed. "You poor sap," he chuckled,
"there isn't much we can do with THAT."
Anyway, they cauterized the wound by applying the end of the stump to a hot
plate, put on some bandages, and sent me on my way. And I never did see
that girl again. Last time I ever tell a woman she's fat.
Torch Song
chester -- will post whatever I've saved (probably everything) soonest...
ummm....there's quite a bit of stuff, you know. All at once or
should I spread it out over a few days?
Ramphorynchus
You should never say anything o a woman that is uncomplimentary.
doctor doom
Unless you're prepared to slap her around a bit.
Saint Bob
Unless she starts it, Ramph..
Prick
my my my, where do we get such royally fucked up literature?
it's not even pretty, it's not even bukowski-fucked.
it's just pure sexist/classist/almost-everythingist BULLSHIT
Joan Vermin
i'd have to say this uncle herb fellow is much like a pile of maggotty shit.
Prick
i get the feeling he's parroting but he seems to find it awfully exciting.
Freejack
this uncle herb fellow is a literary genius!
Freejack
more! more! more!
Prick
haha.
chester cheetah
Torch Song: If you can catch the stuff about The Call (vengeful werewolves), and something from the Fantasy Suite room about some undertaker who has an odd encounter with a new babe, that should cover most of it. I wouldn't ask except for a fatal disk crash. How ya be, anyway?
Joan Vermin
you're a funny man, doctor doom. I'll be laughing when some woman shoots your fucking face out the back of your head and gets free because they find out what an asshole you really are.
ZooKeeper
dr. doom --
just try it.
the last guy that did
barely survived
Danger
you know that never happens joan. the woman would be thrown in jail for the rest of her life. it's the way it is here. if a man kill somebody, he gets off more easily than a woman.
Prick
but if somebody kills that fuker danger, there isn't even a trial
Torch Song
chester -- "The Call" posted in Bat Cave, will move it here if need be though. Will post the mortician's assistant story in Fantasy Suite within the next couple of days.
I'm surviving...It's my best thing, remember?
john hinkley
RIGHT FUKING ON
kill that fuker danger
Spur
wait a minute is danger serious or sarcastic? what he says i half agree with but it doesnt seem to mesh with other political beliefs, but maybe hes outside of party lines, or maybe he wants to impress, no i doubt he wants to impress, he wouldve said other shit differently.
Prick
what the fuck
Danger
I'm being completely serious. the way the riminal justice system has it's garters in a bunch around it's testacles women get fucked when they are tried for mured of menfolk.
Freejack
you're all full-o-shit
Joan Vermin
alright, i agree danger. but um, i wasn't aiming to be totally literall.
john hinkley
Danger knows the shit but he never knows whats going down.
Kind of like a nerd with the right philosophy but i guess
your philosophy isnt REALLY right.
Spur
oh, whatever.
Spur
i dont really think women get fucked by the legal system when they get tried for murder, but i dont think this image of women as getting off every time is true either. so thats the half i agree with. or something.
Prick
what the fuck is wrong with you
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