one fuck a day>

#171035 49 Fri Oct 14 23:34:58 1994 Prick
yeah okay
#171036 49 Fri Oct 14 23:35:41 1994 Prick
i um hate it when people um like try to make um their typing look like um talking because WE TALK LIKE FUCKING IDIOTS
#171057 49 Sat Oct 15 12:44:32 1994 [i like meat] Joan Vermin [a whole bunch]
fuck um you, uh, DICKFACE
#172000 49 Sat Oct 15 13:58:30 1994 [if i could id leave] john hinkley [im sorry]
yeah the only way is to make every time your first time but its impossible. its like killing somebody. you get disonnected from it, it becomes a routine and nothing is stragne about it. ive never killed but ask most vietname vets and i bet they'd tell you they were disconnected from it. your mind wanders. you shoplift but you're thinking about something totally different. your mind is barely on it, just enough to keep it from beign way obvious (like chris). if i had been payhing attention it would have been way fucking obvious what was happ- ening to me. the guy was following me down every aisle i went i just thought he was taking goddammed fucking inventory jesus the fuck christ.
#172023 49 Sun Oct 16 13:30:29 1994 [come see the softer side] Joan Vermin [of my ass]
hmm. i guess that is what happens. <inventory?>
#172279 49 Sun Oct 16 22:41:00 1994 Prick
or something of the sort. BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT goddammit, look into it, its a great concept
#172295 49 Sun Oct 16 23:18:43 1994 [come to where] Spur [the flabber is]
i started a story once, about a serial killer. he picks up a hitchhiker and kills him. hes never considered the question what its like to kill somebody, never even crossed his mind, but if he were asked, hed have to reply its like brushing your teeth. i liked the sound of that. the cleanup is the only interesting part, requires a bit of thought.
#172341 49 Mon Oct 17 15:46:47 1994 [come see the softer side] Joan Vermin [of my ass]
why dont you kill somone then.
#172342 49 Mon Oct 17 15:47:14 1994 [come see the softer side] Joan Vermin [of my ass]
oh by the way, mr.nathanman i want you to qwrite a very sick and twisted short story and i will make it a comic
#172609 49 Mon Oct 17 21:52:44 1994 [Lieutenant] Prick [of the Buttwipe Task Force]
i wrote a story once i forgot what it was about
#172621 49 Mon Oct 17 22:44:23 1994 [come to where] Spur [the flabber is]
i think ill try brushing my teeth instead, its less dangerous. i do not write sick twisted short stories but im sure you can find some use out of something i say in ordinary conversation, and id be flattered.
#172655 49 Tue Oct 18 01:30:35 1994 [I want to go] Prick [to the hospital]
its funny how little fun i am
#172671 49 Tue Oct 18 08:57:07 1994 [quality brand] Spur [of the west]
now is it.
#173001 49 Tue Oct 18 18:29:47 1994 [if i could id leave] john hinkley [im sorry]
sorry i feel the same way i know thats not consoling or anything
#173002 49 Tue Oct 18 18:29:57 1994 [if i could id leave] john hinkley [im sorry]
why do i always wonder why everyone runs out?
#173027 49 Tue Oct 18 21:15:05 1994 [come see the softer side] Joan Vermin [of my ass]
this is insane. we all think that everyone else thinks they are not fun. <albeit nathan?>. Which in my case is wrong, if i could live in a big house with you all i would leap for the chance. you'd get sick of me and eachother and i'd just love you more. story> i need something sick and horribly twisted... nathan or shane or colin can think of them. write a few sentances, a shallow idea. no, better yet, just tell me. tell me of something that kind of gnaws at your mind, so e memory ofsomething that really scared you ot sometihing like thgat, PLEASE. I am begging you people to help me.
#173028 49 Tue Oct 18 21:15:17 1994 [come see the softer side] Joan Vermin [of my ass]
seriously, thats all i want for christmas from you.
#173044 49 Tue Oct 18 22:20:05 1994 [only drowning men] Prick [can see me]
i wish i could write, fuck there's been some amazing shit going on inside my head
#173045 49 Tue Oct 18 22:21:29 1994 [only drowning men] Prick [can see me]
jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water and he spent a long time watching from his lonely wooden tower and when he knew for certain only drowning men could see him he said "all men will be sailors, then, until the sea shall free them"
#173046 49 Tue Oct 18 22:21:48 1994 [only drowning men] Prick [can see me]
leonard, he licks me so nicely
#173047 49 Tue Oct 18 22:23:15 1994 [only drowning men] Prick [can see me]
write a story about a guy who lays on his back and stares at his ceiling for six days when hunger pains finally snap him out of the daze
#173071 49 Wed Oct 19 00:49:07 1994 [quality brand] Spur [of the west]
philosophy runs through my brain right now. there is no time or space, its all just the way we look at things. oh yeah, real original i know. imagine a city. intersect it with a plane about five feet above sea level you have a bunch of unconnected shapes. youd never know it was all connected at the floor. flatlands type stuff. now consider were on that plane, youd never guess we were all one just like our cells never guess theyre all one in our body. but we live on that plane and we never know the difference, we cant see. all life is illusory, the demiurge is satan confusing our souls so we cant see the truth, armageddon is the destruction of all reality so our souls glimpse truth god fights with itself to destroy reality and free us all. armageddon is to be desired, order is an illusion, fantasy and beauty are the truth, substance is meaningless. substance is the brown color you get from mxing all our fantasies at once, live a fantasy your own its not reality but it is. failure is success. the hero fails, allows reality to be destroyed, goes insane, loses all friends, all friends hurt, the hero wins.
#173072 49 Wed Oct 19 00:50:59 1994 [quality brand] Spur [of the west]
and no, i dont feel im no fun, i doubt im very entertaining lately but shit i cant care less about that. i dont think anybodys complaining about me behind my back at least yet. i feel alright about being liked. i fell liked, i feel good enough.
#173073 49 Wed Oct 19 00:52:56 1994 [quality brand] Spur [of the west]
okay the story: hero wanders underground parking garages, dumpster dives, discovers documents tht dont make any sense continues deeper into garages is chased by white trucks discovers state government is a cult the governor is into voodoo armed with laser guns. parking garages continue for miles underground, enemies know that reality is meaningless and so control it by their own perceptions.
#173088 49 Wed Oct 19 11:05:37 1994 [ppopooepe] Prick [poeeopp]
why is it that we bother with this reality stuff, i mean iif it is really all in our minds what is so awful about truth that makes this shit happen, if the collective human mindblock makes reality what it is to us whats the big deal,what exactly caused us to invent this shit. makes you wonder how scary it is, or maybe there IS some sort of inherent desire for order in the mind though that doesn't make much sense if you adhere to the theory of free mind. collective mindblock, that's an interesting idea. if you drug yourself, you lose connection with the mindblock, the signal becomes fuzzy. if we drug the entire world does the mindblock become destroyed? the drug leaves the body's system, of course, but perhaps the repair that happens afterword has to have the help of the collective to bring it back fully. lets make enough lsd to fuck everybody up real good and see if our little mamby pamby reality ever fights its way back. fuck this, i'm stupid
#173089 49 Wed Oct 19 11:05:48 1994 [ppopooepe] Prick [poeeopp]
drrrrrruuug mmmmeeeeeeee
#173105 49 Wed Oct 19 16:59:30 1994 [quality brand] Spur [of the west]
i play with reality-thingies for fun,l for fantasy, its a game and i believe little of what ive considered lately. what i believe all paradox, impossible to explain because things exist and dont exist at the same time. there is no reality, but we create it and its true, but still theres none. its there for our use, were here for its use, egads none of it makes sense.
#173421 49 Wed Oct 19 20:20:24 1994 john hinkley [youre bored]
i want to see a story about getting lost inside of your mind like jacobs ladder or a burroughs book (havent read much burroughs though). but it shouldnt be during sleep like jacobs ladder. and i dont know if it needs to involve drugs but i suppose its the only way to make it realistic. i still need to read the doors of perception. anydoby read that? ive been philosophizing on animals recently and how they fit into it all. i cant believe that they have no purpose other than to serve humans. i woudl like to believe there are free minds in every animal and maybe every plant and rock too but its tough to believe. my current belief in reincarnation makes it easier to seem real. i almost believe that dogs cats humans all inter-reincarnate. of course it doesnt make sense when cats and dogs do stupid shit. it would just mean they are spiritually less than us but i refuse to believe humans are better.
#173422 49 Wed Oct 19 20:21:17 1994 john hinkley [youre bored]
better spiritually that is. i know we are better on an evolutionary scale. something i was thinking about earlier made my philosophy contradict with the theory of evolution and i was excited about this. cant think of it now, will ponder it soon after i log off.
#173435 49 Wed Oct 19 22:23:48 1994 [quality brand] Spur [of the west]
consider humans are no better than rocks, inanimate robots, instead of rocks are as good as humans. it changes everything. here my paradox hits again, humans suck, rocks suck, were robots, but humans and rocks are awesome creatures of immense power, it doesnt make any sense. so much of this is still in the surface of my mind, like logic but so illogical. im waiting for it to burrow into every nook of my beliefs.
#173450 49 Thu Oct 20 01:26:07 1994 [ppopooepe] Prick [poeeopp]
i refuse to look at anything as being lower than a human being on ANY scale. i mean, obviously in all philosophy humans will be what everything revolves around, at least at first, but in most of my thinking i aim to destroy that as quickly as i notice it. rocks, trees, a big slab of sheet metal, they could all very easily have minds with no means of expressing that. (could insert "if they exist at all" here but that's so goddamn stupid it's the universal philosophical disclaimer and i hate it with a passion)
#173451 49 Thu Oct 20 01:26:33 1994 [ppopooepe] Prick [poeeopp]
burroughs won't teach you anything but how to write weird
#173452 49 Thu Oct 20 01:26:51 1994 [ppopooepe] Prick [poeeopp]
and everything you needed to know and more about narcotics
#173453 49 Thu Oct 20 01:31:40 1994 [ppopooepe] Prick [poeeopp]
"doors of perception" was interesting but not all that exciting. great theories about mind vs. brain and stuff like that, some interesting stuff about mescalin but it's really outdated now. the guy died in 63 so there's not a whole lot he could say about the psychedelic experience that we haven't seen on television. as far as huxley goes, i'm reading two novels right now and they're pretty sly, he's pretty good at sticking a real message into a story. he's got something to say to everybody that he thinks they don't already know and he seems to do it in a beautiful way. and they don't know. he was a visionary, that's for sure. to the end he was looking for peace of mind through omniscience maybe he found it, i'll be sure to ask him. but by then i guess i'll know.
#173477 49 Thu Oct 20 19:47:12 1994 john hinkley [youre bored]
i tend to believe that omnipresence gives everythign a 'mind' of its own. seems highly unlikely that a piece of metal has a 'mind' in the convential sense, not meaning brain i mean mind. especially since this metal fuses with everything. seems almost like chaos. of course chaos is order of a different sort we just dont understand it.
#173492 49 Thu Oct 20 21:59:05 1994 Prick
seems to me that until we know for certain (i.e. when we DIE) we ought treat everything as if it had a mind as powerful and yearnful as our own. that doesn't mean not hurting nonliving things, having a mind doesn't mean being able to feel pain and shit, but just looking at things in that light is important, i think. keeps our place in the universe in perspective. when judging inanimates as thinking beings, might start to make some people get a clue about what they're doing to hurt other humans, animals, etc.
#173493 49 Thu Oct 20 21:59:15 1994 Prick
if it were so simple, that is.
#173502 49 Thu Oct 20 23:15:03 1994 [you] Spur [suck]
accepting inanimates as worthy as much as humans are, its changed how i view hurt, but not like maybe shane sees it. hurt happens, i know now. destruction happens. even when i do it, hurt happens, thats the way it goes. i hurt things, i hurt people, i hurt myself. because it is was always will be, i cant attach any ethics to hurt anymore. like you cant say the sun is good or bad. it is.
#173503 49 Thu Oct 20 23:15:38 1994 [you] Spur [suck]
make that right or wrong, not good or bad. slight difference.
#174288 49 Fri Oct 21 17:59:21 1994 [come see the softer side] Joan Vermin [of my ass]
feel stupid when i dont care about anything beyond my own emotions and the obvious. dont care about anything you say. feel guilty. but then again, im not.
#175112 49 Sat Oct 22 20:36:54 1994 john hinkley [youre bored]
you dont have to care but you should listen. if you truly "dont care about anything you (we?) say." i have trouble believing that but i guess its a figure of speech. sorry i cant tell anymore. too critical and no its not an excuse. talked to walls before. its not so much everything has a mind but everything has desires and everything has something to offer. one time when i was coming down from acid i was reading a magazine or something. in the words i saw a picture. know what i mean? a picture was made out of the black and white. was like it was offering something to me? i dont know. i could really see the magazine for what it is or something this isnt coming out right. hmmm..
#175127 49 Sat Oct 22 23:38:28 1994 Prick
yeah it makes sense, it's all just kinda weird, it's like politics- you have to keep an open mind, no mind is completely open but as long as you think about having an open mind then it becomes much easier to accept things as true possibilities i hate being as fucked up as i am, i feel like its time to change, to actually put some effort forth toward being what >I< deem to be a "better person" but I also feel like certain people i respect will think i'm silly. fuck you. i'll walk all over you.
#175413 49 Mon Oct 24 00:18:10 1994 [you] Spur [suck]
woo-hoo!
#175873 49 Mon Oct 24 20:34:28 1994 [information] Joan Vermin [shmyway]
by "Care about anything you say" i sorta meant like, these introspections that defy society's reality. I guess some day I'll get into that, and in a way I have, but to me alternate realities and alternate theories for time just aren't too appealing. I prefer to think deeply into thinks like human anture, emotion.
#175901 49 Mon Oct 24 21:33:53 1994 john hinkley [youre bored]
ah. well thats god. as you long as think about something. currently i believe that human nature is undefinable to a large degree. i dotn think i would want to know alot about people because...it is very easy to get arrogant about it and i may end up telling people 'you only do that because you feel...' which is incredibly threatening to the person not to mention entirely ridiculuous. that is just my current belief, im sure it will change. conflicting beliefs arent unviable unless of course they are such so that i think they are unviable. that is to say everything is worth something unless i say it is worth shit.
#175950 49 Tue Oct 25 00:49:30 1994 Prick
tired of letting things slide. especially from myself. never take a stand on what i believe, and there ARE things i know, there ARE things i understand about the way i think things ought to be and it feels like its about time i tried to make myself do something about it. but whether or not i want to believe it, there will be people who stop liking me or never get to the point of liking me because i'm not afraid to challenge them. right now i'm afraid and half the friends i have know that. i hate this shit, what the fuck
#175982 49 Tue Oct 25 18:29:34 1994 [fuck] Ana Ng [shit]
heh. when did this room name change.
#176010 49 Tue Oct 25 20:48:56 1994 john hinkley [youre bored]
shit my beliefs have changed a whole fuckload lately but i dont really say anything. of course im not sure if i really believe it. it makes sense but at the same time its fucked up. its mostly a rational approach like this is how it is, it may suck but there is no way out of it so ill live with it
#176083 49 Tue Oct 25 23:02:52 1994 [ill give you something] Spur [to bleed about]
trample trample trample i say. its not like i doubt itll hurt me, although once upon a time i did doubt that. now ive seen i can be hurt by it too. but still i say do it.
#176093 49 Tue Oct 25 23:43:39 1994 Prick
ahdsla;vk
#177342 49 Wed Oct 26 15:51:11 1994 [information] Joan Vermin [shmyway]
it hurts to find out you dont say things you want to say.
#177376 49 Wed Oct 26 22:09:55 1994 john hinkley [youre bored]
not sure i understand you. you mean philosophically, sunday?
#177427 54 Thu Oct 27 00:29:26 1994 Prick
well shit happens, doesn't it
#177428 49 Thu Oct 27 00:30:22 1994 Prick
are you saying you've never ducked out of saying something because you felt it was in your own best interest not to?
#177429 49 Thu Oct 27 00:30:43 1994 Prick
i refuse to believe it, everyone does it. constantly
one fuck a day> _